“Man up. Just go over and do it already.” How many times have you heard that one? As if you weren’t anxious enough to hit up that cute blonde across the bar, now your buddies are shaming you for your lack of testosterone in getting the job done. Needless to say, it’s a less than ideal way to meet someone.
The dating world is rough, and our current social media-obsessed society doesn’t make it any easier. Once upon a time, you simply called a girl and asked her out.
Now you have to contend with texting and Twitter and Facebook, all of which can easily cloud someone’s judgment as to whether a girl really likes you or just likes to tweet. And let’s be honest here… All those roundabout ways of communication make it a whole lot easier to disguise your intentions. If you tweet her and she doesn’t respond, it’s no big deal. If you call her to go out and she says no, that’s straight up rejection.
However, most dating coaches would advise that you take the most direct route – aka just ask her out – instead of the half-dozen subversive methods that fly beneath the dating radar. It takes guts to put yourself out there, but as the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So pull up those manly bootstraps and don’t forget the following bits of wisdom when you’re about to approach or call up your lady in waiting.
· She’s a person, too.
Unless you’re asking out Angelina Jolie, who is very taken anyway, then odds are that the girl you like is approachable and down-to-earth. If she’s not, why are you asking her out in the first place? See the logic? Sure, there are emasculating women, but if that’s your thing, we need to do some work before you go out on your next date. Otherwise, the chances are good that the girl you want to ask out is going to be nice to you. Stop assuming that she’s going to just laugh in your face when you approach her.
· The worst that can happen is that she’ll say no.
Of course, there are no guarantees in dating. It’s possible that she won’t accept your invitation to dinner and a movie. But if she does, would that be so bad? Think about it. What’s the worst-case scenario here? Sure, you’ll be disappointed that she doesn’t like you, and it’ll probably sting for a few days. But then what? Then you’ll get over it and move on. Doesn’t sound so bad when you think about it that way, right?
· Even if she says no, you’ll be glad you did it.
As most dating coaches emphasize, the only thing worse than getting turned down is regretting that you never asked her out in the first place. It’s true. Would you rather live with the knowledge that she just wasn’t that into you, or be forever wondering if you two could have lived happily ever after? Think about all the other times you really went for something: a job, a starting position on your basketball team, or a dream vacation in Europe. Regardless of whether you landed that gig or position, do you regret trying? And you won’t regret asking her out either.
· If she says yes, you’ll kick yourself for not asking her sooner.
So far we’ve only been discussing the cold hard reality of what might happen. However, just as likely is that this girl is going to say yes. Honestly, you’ve got a 50/50 shot here, which are way better odds than anything you’ll ever see in Vegas.
And should you hit the proverbial dating jackpot, you’ll be wondering why you didn’t pull the lever ages ago. Far too often, men and women alike psych themselves out by focusing on the what ifs of rejection. Not enough people think about all the wonderful things that can happen when something turns out the way you had hoped. Given that you may be asking out the next great love of your life, what are you waiting for?
AJ Harbinger is a Los Angeles dating couch and a creator of The Art of Charm academy.
He's written a number of great articles, from dating tips on how to approach women
to dating after divorce.